The Fifth!
by Kalamazoo222
Summary: Sensei Splinter has greatly distressing news. There is a Fifth Turtle but is he boy? a girl? or an it? Read more to find out. Kalamazoo222 does not endorse this opinion. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are forcing his hand. Greatly  non serious fic.


On an ordinary day in the sewers of New York City, the Ninja Turtles were happily relaxing in their New York City sewer/bachelor pad. Sensei Splinter scurried into their pad and screeched for the guys to fall in line, when Raphael asked Sensei "What wrong with you, dog?"

"Have respect for your master!" his master screamed. "I can drain your powers you measly amphibian!" (Are turtles amphibians?)

Raphael blushed and bowed with **great** respect.

Leonardo was a teacher's pet and with **great** wisdom and kiss-ass intelligence asked, "Sensei, what distresses you today?"

"I have just heard terrible news that there. Is. A. Fifth!" He announced with five exclamation points!

"Say _what?_" asked Michelangelo with **great** distress.

Sensei said very solemnly, "A fifth ninja turtle has appeared!"

The other four gasped **greatly**. But Donatello was confused. "What's so wrong about that, master?"

Sensei was beside himself. "You don't understand!"

Raphael proclaimed with **great** resignation, "Well, let's meet the poor bloke..."

Ten Minutes Later...

Sensei read them _Green Eggs and Ham_.

Ten More Minutes Later...

They played WiSports to get some exercise.

Ten More Minutes Later...

Donatello had to use the bathroom **greatly**.

Then finally after thirty minutes of random procrastination, they set off to find The Fifth!

One Hour Later...

"You there!" exclaimed The Fifth! "Stop! _In the name of love-_"

The Turtles, who **greatly** loved that song, began to sing, "'_Before you break my heart_...'"

Sensei was **greatly** distraught by their mockery of The Supremes. They were his favorite and his Turtles were butchering their musical genius. "Stop this rumpus! Stop this **great** foolishness!"

Dejectedly, the five Turtles were silenced and could no longer sing. The four original Turtles, turned to look at their new brother and they were **greatly** shocked by what they saw. There stood a cross-dressing Turtle! The moonlight gleamed on his neon pink wig, his bedazzled cocktail dress of an electric blue hue, and his five-inch red stilettos. All this girly clothing was minute compared to his rainbow colored headband. The original four were** greatly** horrified, but could not look away as though this Turtle were a car crash of sexuality.

Leonardo asked in a choked whisper. "Brother(?) What is your name?"

In a high-pitched and lame whiny voice The Fifth! spoke, "I, my fellow Mutant Ninja Turtles, am Giovanni Francesco Bembo!"

Raphael looked at him with **great** befuddlement. "What?"

"Don't say 'what' to me! I am Giovanni Francesco Bembo! With five exclamation marks!"

Sensei then announced, "I told you this was a **great **distress. I'm not even sure it's a boy. And he...or she...is a bit of a drama queen."

Michelangelo, always the **great** party-er, exclaimed with **great** gusto, "Let's give him...her...it (?)_._..a shot!"

Donatello shouted "YEAH!" because he's that cool.

One year later...

A bank in town square had just been robbed and the police scrambled to catch the robber, but they were too slow, lazy, and fat. (Kalamazoo222 does not endorse this opinion. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are forcing his hand.) "Hurry! We must call the TMNTs or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!" said the too slow, lazy, and fat chief of police.

"Did someone call?" shouted Leonardo.

"YEAH!" Donatello shouted, because he's that cool.

"After him!" screamed Raphael.

"Split up!" screamed Michelangelo.

"I'll get him from behind!" shouted Giovanni Francesco Bembo!

"That's what she said!" shouted Donatello.

Sensei Splinter was very annoyed. "Stop this rumpus and get the robber!"

The Five Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles joined forces to save the city of New York City of any future distress and lived happily,** greatly**, mutantly, ninja-turtley everly afterly!

The End


End file.
